really. buying a pair of jeans should be easy. that’s what makes it all so aggravating; it SHOULD be easy.
1) we live in a society with more choices than ever in history! it’s true. so, why, can i not find a pair of jeans that do not have ANY spandex in them?! none. not 2%, not 1%, ZERO% spandex. i don’t think that’s a lot to ask. why am i soo anti-spandex you ask? i’m not, as a rule, just as far as denim is concerned. i remember a time when you could put on your nice, sturdy jeans and not have to start hiking them up and worrying about sag inside of an hour of wearing. cause that’s what happens, you put on your stretchy jeans, sit once, and it’s saggy-butt city.so you wash and dry them„ and every time you do that, the quicker they start to sag. i was in high school in the 80’s folks, i’ve been there and never, ever wish to go back.
2)how about a pair of jeans that is offered in a plain, non-augmented color? NO: - “wiskering”(whatever the HELL that shit is!!) -brown, dirty coloring -fake rips -fake wear marks -80’s acid/faded wash (this was not a good look the first time around) -appearance of having been worn by indiana jones while being dragged behind a speeding truck!!!!!!!!!!!
3)high-waist jeans. no, they DO NOT make your legs look longer. CONGRATS!—you now own your very first pair of “mom jeans” complete with front butt, and a zipper that goes on for miles.
4) oh, you claim that low-rise jeans give you “muffin tops”? help has arrived!! i have 3 very simple solutions: first—loosen your belt (see #6 below). second—you jeans are TOO SMALL; buy the next size up (even spandex has it’s limits!) or, LOSE SOME WEIGHT and then try on your jeans again.
5) pockets. sigh. really? do i need to explain what is soo glaringly obvious?! the back pockets of pants should fall on your butt, not the backs of your thighs. this only adds to the saggy butt looks. duh! (this one is really for the designers of the jeans, but you can all do your part by refusing to buy these stupid looking jeans!)
6) belts. cinching your belt very, very, very tight DOES NOT give you an hourglass figure. no, really. it doesn’t. it just makes you look like your belt is going to bust at any second and take out some poor, unsuspecting kid’s eye.(see #4 “muffin tops” above)
7) now this one is really important——-“skinny jeans”——- FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!—NO ONE in the history of the world looks good in these jeans!! you get all the benefits of saggy butt (see #1 above) with the added bonus of chicken legs! how could anyone in their right mind look in a mirror and think they look good?! let me assure you right now—-YOU DON’T! and, AND (pay attention here people) **MEN WHO WEAR SKINNY JEANS*****—-i have 3 words for you: JON BON JOVI if you boys think you look hip and cool and hot…you do not. you look like you are wearing your sister’s (not girlfriend cause she would not be seen in public with you like that) pants.
8)price. now i’m frugal, i admit it. BUT there is no logical explanation for why stores think that $60+ is fair. it isn’t. no way, no how. for that amount of money not only do i want pants that have been lovingly hand-carved around my bod, but they should be self-cleaning and folding as well.( i think it goes without saying that they should be custom-made to my every specification as well)
well, i think i’m done. it has been YEARS since i have been able to buy a pair of jeans and be happy (at this point i’ll settle for not crying). it’s getting to me. sigh.
anger and sadness are emotions with just as much validity and purpose as happiness and joy. to say to forget them or ignore them is not only unrealistic, but very dangerous. all of your emotions are important and necessary. embrace them all.